Pretty girls make graves

There is something to be said about finding comfort in oneself.

We are regularly stripped of our outward belongings, whether that means family or personal possessions. Regardless of what we lose, the tools we have to seek happiness are inside of us. It is up to us to use this.

Alright, enough of all the sappy bullshit.

I can only force myself to get like that for so long till my fingers start withering and lose interest. Granted, I do believe what I said, I don't find it necessary to keep harping on it. I got what got and I take it day by day. Nothing in this world is going to change the way things go, all I can do is control myself.

I've been on this weird 90s house music tip right now. I just want to fucking dance.

Dharma Bum

Tonight was the first night I got out to a meeting.

For the past few days I have been doubting myself and my reasoning for moving here, but tonight I felt a huge relief. In the company of addicts I felt welcome and a connection to the outside world. My problems felt insignificant compared to those around me. I need my ego battered from time to time to keep me grounded and I sometimes forget about the progress I have made in lieu of the mental battles I am facing now.

Today was a good day.

Lonesome Traveler

We all pay the price inevitably ... with interest.

I can't begin to describe the internal battles that went through my head today. I went from complete blackness, racing anxiety concerning my future and if I would be able to make my amends to the people I have hurt.

Without being over dramatic, I did my best to relinquish control to something else. What this something else was, I don't know. I have been trying to convince myself that I need to give up my desire to fill the voids that people and things once left.

I don't know if I made any head way, but I know I will be able to sleep tonight. One day at a time.

Oh yeah, fuck NJ. I got ticket by the Gestapo and paid $9 for a pack of cigarettes.

New Day

Sobriety has got to one of the most wretched, disgusting, heinous feelings ever bestowed on a human being.

'Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water'

Boredom. Loneliness. Incessant questions from friends and family questioning whether or not I am sober.

No sunshine. No dancing bears with unicorns on top of chocolate fountains. No smiles. No laughs. Just you. You and your thoughts.

People compare addiction to being the jail bars that holds an addict in place. What does that make sobriety?

I asked myself this tonight. I constantly go make and forth on questioning myself a fundamental question -- is sobriety for me? Do I even need to have answer? What the fuck am I doing [more importantly -- have been doing] with my life?

What I want most, I cannot get. That's life. When I got myself into sobriety, I realized really quick that chances are I'm never going to get an answer. The only thing I can do is trudge on, and accept peace of mind can only be achieved by seeking it. Sobriety is my window to the world. With it, I can choose to make the right decisions for myself, something I found impossible to do while using.

I need to get to a meeting. Fucking GPS conked off on me on my way to NA and couldn't find the church it was being held in.

Day 1523...

...Of graduating college and being completely devoid of all purpose.

Granted the state of the economy has hindered my job search up north and I am waiting on something back from graduate school, I tend to get very pessimistic very fast.

Maybe I've had my expectations too high for myself.

I am Legend

I guess it was a good movie. I'm not terribly into the intense movies anymore, but at least the ending was pleasant as opposed to most zombie movies that end with terribly depressing endings. That's all.

Narmada Dam Project

I just watched this video (http://www.globalonenessproject.org/video/Medha-Patkar/1) on the Narmada River Dam.

For those of you who don't know, dam projects have been viewed with much pride in India beginning with Jawaharlal Nehru in the 50s. It was believed these dams could be used to power the newly born India into a super power status.

In the past 20 years India has become the largest recepient of funds from the World Bank, much of it for these dam projects.

Specifically Gujarat has a serious water shortage problem. However this dam will not be a solution. A simple wikipedia search will yield the impact of hydroelectricity, so I will not go into that. The impact on people will be huge: farmers who depend on the water and the nutrients in the water, those who live downstream, people who live along the canal system. Up to 200000 will be displaced, this number does not include the number of people whos livelyhood will be affected (http://www.irn.org/wcd/narmada.shtml).

Cui bono? World Bank, international contractors (who are all out of their dam building jobs in their own country so they go to the developing world), Indian contractors, and Indian politicians.

The solution will not be simple, however this does not seem like the right way to go. Personally, in my humble opinion, if there is a place in the world where sustainable energy can be used effectively, it is India.

See:
http://www.narmada.org/
http://www.irn.org/programs/india/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narmada_Bachao_Andolan

Video:
http://www.globalonenessproject.org/video/Medha-Patkar/1



PEACE

I'm listening to...

Sun Ra - "Cosmic Tones for Mental Therapy"

Miles Davis - "Birth of the Cool"

just a jazzy mood I guess

PEACE

Top 5 Favourite HipHop Albums

As most people know, I'm a huge HipHop fan. HipHop is music, an art, and is subject to much interpretation. HipHop is expansive as any other genre of music, and shouldn't be treated any different. If you judge it by what's played on the radio, gold and diamond chains, and guns and sex, you're obviously not looking hard enough to what HipHop really is.

HipHop is poetry, storytelling, sampling, mixing, scratching, two turntables and a mic, just a mic, or just two turntables. HipHop is political, apathetic, deep, and ugly. HipHop has its own lingo; if you recognize the real, you'll understand.

I am in no way a music elitist. I like what I like, I don't judge things by their skill level or lyrics. Anyways here are just a few amazing HipHop albums.

5. Quasimoto - "The Unseen"

It's understandable that most people wouldn't take helium - induced rapping seriously, but I think we can all make an exception for this album. Dropped in 2000, this album was the child of Madlib and psilocybin mushrooms. This album goes from jazz to funk to old school HipHop samples. Madlib is a good rapper, but the verses from the ever present Astro Black (his helium induced alter ego) are simple, clever and funny. An awesome album for anyone.

Listen to "Astro Black", "Return of the Loop Digga", "Low Class Conspiracy"

Quasimoto got the ill arsenal

4. Souls of Mischief - " '93 Til Infinity"

Released in a time when mainstream gangsta rap dominated music, this small, obscure HipHop group, provided not nessecarily an alternative to gangsta rap, but a much more progressive style of storytelling, with heavy emphasis on beats and sampling.

Just listen to "93 Til Infinity". It's probably one of the most classic HipHop songs of all time, I've even heard it on Power 99 and 100.3 Da Beat Philly (huge rap stations in Philadelphia. The beat is classic, the rapping dominates.

'nuff said.

3. Bahamadia - "Kollage"

Cool, monotone, afrocentric, and jazzy. That's what I would use to describe this album. It's gotta be something to have GURU introduce it. Did I mention she's from Philly? Probably one of the most chill albums out there.

2. Nas - "Illmatic"

"Got any Nas?" - me

Most people will rate this album as the best HipHop album of all time, and for good reason. Nas rips apart the mic and resassembles it with his raps. It has production from the best of in the business (Pete Rock, DJ Premier, Q tip). This album is known for Nas's storytelling ("One Love"), battle raps ("Halftime"), and simple telling of the reality of ghetto life ("Memory Lane"). Easily one of the best albums in general.

1. A Tribe Called Quest - "Midnight Marauders"

If I've ever spoken to you, I have probably talked to you about this album. If you've ever sat in my car, you've probably heard it playing. If you even know me, you'll know that this is seriously one album I probably listen to every single day.

This album got me into HipHop. I don't even want to explain the greatness of this album to anyone, because honestly if you haven't gotten it, you probably won't get it soon. A Tribe Called Quest was socially conscious, fun, and some of the greatest lyricists of all time. They are cools inspiration.

I had something else to say, but I have become quite frustrated with John Madden's commentary.

PEACE

American Gangster

"See, ya are what ya are in this world. That's either one of two things: Either you're somebody, or you ain't nobody."

First thing, Denzel washinton is badass.

The acting in this movie was amazing, as was the directing given that I do not like Ridley Scott. I really don't like Ridley Scotts other works, with the exception of Gladiator and Hannibal (produced Black Hawk Down, that show Numbers). The cinenomatography was amazing as was the scene locations. I was only dissappointed in the storyline. The movie basically follows a very linear, two characters-trying-to-find each other plot. The Russel Crowe scenes were pretty boring for the most part(except the gun battles).

However this does not change anything about Denzel Washington. My favorite part of the movie is when he walks up to some guy who owns him money, demands his money, then shoots the guy in the head in the middle of a busy street.

I can't honestly say that I don't have respect for a person like Frank Lucas(in real life and in the movie). He found a way to take advantage of the market, and did so the way any business man would. He made a way for himself and did what he had to to establish himself and his family (in real life his heroin dealing organization). that's just me though.

PEACE

My refusal to play Halo 3, repeats of season 6 of Sopranos, and Skate

It seems someone robin thinks that I come off as being an outcast. This is not true at all, I am, in my very nature, 1337. On a daily basis i pwn n00bs, in real life and the expansive virtual world of xbox live. I do so selflessly out of the love of my heart, whether these nubs like it or not.

Halo 3 does not bring anything new to the table. It is a standard fps, it's game mechanics and physics are nothing new. It's online play is the draw to the game, and I can't say anything bad about that. The room setup is a huge step ahead of the draconian system that Halo 2 (as well as many other online games) implemented. However this is not enough to play this game. Playing online is repetitive, you have to really enjoy a game from top to bottom, and the fact that this games lacks a decent campaign mode does not make me want to buy this game. *eagerly awaits to play Portal and Team Fortress 2*

HBO, please stop playing repeats to season 6. It was a sick season but honestly the laziness of the characters seeps through the screen. Ok maybe I'm exaggerating, but seriously all the characters got fat as hell and I don't get how the hell that happens it between seasons.

Skate is an amazing game। Sick graphics, sick control, soooooo different from Tony Hawk, and its incredibly realistic. To complete tricks you gotta flick the right stick in certain directions, if they are flipped wrong, you won't land them. When going to land rails, there are no buttons, the key is to land it precisely on the side you want to grind on. This game is flippin awesome, it gets me super psyched, and the only reason I'm typing this right now is because the 20 minute demo time is over.

Now I gotta go back to playing, PEACE

Left flips sides again

The Left has failed to oppose the Hindutva movement and promotes its own brand of nationalism, when convenient in order to maintain its own power. The Indo US nuclear deal and the Telhelka sting are clear indications of Left’s inability to be a strong opponent to the BJP and the right wing.

The Left is using the myth of energy security to promote their nationalist agenda. Sonia Gandhi, in true fascist speech calls those who oppose the nuclear deal, “enemies of India’s development”. The 123 Agreement is an agreement that will only benefit the United States, monetarily and politically. There is a reason why America wants to export its nuclear technology—because they don’t want it here! Nuclear power plants take long to setup, cost large amounts of capital, are poorly managed, and are a direct threat to the people that live around a power plant.

The political and economic goals are clear, and it’s clear who benefits from this deal—politicians and the US nuclear lobby. The nationalist groupthink rhetoric is no different from the Right wing, it’s a tool of the ruling party, it allows them to consolidate power and promote social control.


http://www.zmag.org/content/showarticle.cfm?SectionID=66&ItemID=14133

I find it hard to explain my beliefs and attitudes. I don’t attach myself to isms, political parties, or imaginary national lines. I do not believe in a god; nor do I deny an existence of a god. I was born in India, but I’ve never ever lived an extended amount of time there. I have an American passport, speak with an American accent, listen to jazz and HipHop, and am the product of the American public education system. I understand Hindi, but my speech is comical at best.

I am a foreigner in two countries: America and India. Here it is defined by my race and culture. In India it is defined by my accent, inexperience, and American influence.

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I do believe that it is my right to comment on the politics and the society of both countries. My justification is simple; I believe that my opinion can make a difference, here and in India. It’s my right and duty to do all in my power to express my opinion.

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I believe all government should be held accountable for its actions and inactions. No public servant is innocent when injustice occurs anywhere.

I believe Capitalism is exploitative. I believe Socialism has failed. Nationalism in all forms destroys people.

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I do not have a real purpose to this blog. I was suggested to make a blog by my parents because they believe I have good insight into politics. I try to be logical and practical. I realize and acknowledge the differences between America and India. I would be kidding myself if I approached both countries in the same manner.

If you think I am unintelligent, you are sadly mistaken. I do whatever I can to find all the facts and perspectives. I believe every action has a reaction. Actions or inactions have consequences, and these consequences have immediate and lasting impressions on society.

Logic. It’s great, free, and you can find it at your favorite store.