Sobriety has got to one of the most wretched, disgusting, heinous feelings ever bestowed on a human being.
'Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water'
Boredom. Loneliness. Incessant questions from friends and family questioning whether or not I am sober.
No sunshine. No dancing bears with unicorns on top of chocolate fountains. No smiles. No laughs. Just you. You and your thoughts.
People compare addiction to being the jail bars that holds an addict in place. What does that make sobriety?
I asked myself this tonight. I constantly go make and forth on questioning myself a fundamental question -- is sobriety for me? Do I even need to have answer? What the fuck am I doing [more importantly -- have been doing] with my life?
What I want most, I cannot get. That's life. When I got myself into sobriety, I realized really quick that chances are I'm never going to get an answer. The only thing I can do is trudge on, and accept peace of mind can only be achieved by seeking it. Sobriety is my window to the world. With it, I can choose to make the right decisions for myself, something I found impossible to do while using.
I need to get to a meeting. Fucking GPS conked off on me on my way to NA and couldn't find the church it was being held in.
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